The art of failing with grace

We live in a society where connections are everywhere. We can connect to the internet or on a smartphone.. but what does that mean? In a moment we can see news from thousands of miles away and yet feel thousands of miles from the person sitting next to us. In one moment fully engaged and present in the current moment and other times reliving a cycle or pattern passed on from a long history of ancestors that has happened millions of times before. The full complexity of this web can be amazing, scary, joyous, crazy, bewildering, and a huge array of other emotions at any given moment in time.

We can numb ourselves to the point of imprisonment or feel the full weight of every experience that has happened come crashing down like an avalanche. We can use comparisons or what-ifs to beat ourselves down or language to uplift and make us and others stronger and more resilient.

With all this happening every moment of every day. How does one find a way to navigate through the insanity and beauty which is the human experience. To feel safe, secure and comfortable in their outer and inner world. In a world that we lie to ourselves when we say it is safe. At any moment something terrible can happen but just as equally likely something amazing, wonderful and mind blowing can happen. We lie and believe the lie.. The lie that I’m not enough. The lie that I am not as good as others. The lie that there is nothing particularly notable about me. The lie that everyone can see what this inner critic sees. The names and labels that are held within us to describe the aspects of ourselves which are perceived as ugly, wrong or bad.. Though there are hundreds of word to describe how incredible each of us are. Are we using those words enough?

Truth be told there are many days I struggle. I struggle to see the lessons. I struggle to get my wording correct. I struggle to speak kindly to myself and others. I struggle to give myself grace and compassion. I struggle to feel enough. I struggle to find the unique part of what makes me worthy of good, love and compassion. Those are the words found in the days of a depressive or emotion-filled mind.. The pattern I have traversed for much of my 40 years on this planet. Though I can see it for what it is. A state of mind, a mental chatter, a learned pattern, a hormonal or chemical imbalance, an inner critic, a regressed child. None of those labels sweep away the feelings.. And perhaps that is okay. It is okay to have moments of not feeling okay. It is okay to not understand the start of the feeling. It is okay to be swept away in the current of an emotion later to find your footing. The emotion is just making sure to be heard and understood. Much like a child desperate for your attention. That child is there.. And so much is going on in the world that little child may pop up from time to time. Waiting to be heard. Waiting to be accepted. Waiting to be loved. That part is waiting for you to accept them. This process can be slow or fast. Taking a few minutes, hours or days. The more you practice this. The better you will get at noticing this voice or this vibration of mental chatter when it is small and quiet.. So it doesn’t have to make a scene to be heard.

All this prompted me to talk about failure. I’ve failed more often than I have succeeded. I’ve failed in relationships. I’ve failed in marriage. I’ve failed in the typical job position. I’ve failed at being who my parents wanted. I’ve failed at building wealth. I’ve failed at having normal experiences. I’ve failed at letting go. I’ve failed at learning. And I have self-sabotaged myself over and over again. And part of the beauty of this experience called life is unfolding those failures for the opportunities presented by those failures. If I didn’t fail at art when I was younger. I may not have been able to see others beating themselves up and helping them through that now. If I didn’t fail at a normal job I may never have been part of opening a business. If I didn’t get fired from my first real job maybe I never would have landed in the career path I am in now. If I didn’t fail at relationships I wouldn’t have met the man I am with today stronger and more capable than before.

Yet an outsider looking in might only see my current relationship, my current business, my current lifestyle, my current vehicle, my current pets, my current status and say.. She is successful.. Not knowing the numerous times I have fallen. The numerous times I doubted myself or my decisions. The numerous times I’ve beat myself up.. Too many to count.. . My boyfriend sometimes thinks I like it down there better as I am always jumping down and then looking for the ladder or elevator up. I’m learning I can catch myself in the fall. I can be the pillow or soft landing pad. I’m learning that success is merely falling down and choosing to get back up faster each time.. It is the process not a destination. It is at times a moving target as you figure out just what goal you are going after. Maybe this goal didn’t work out.. What is the next one to try? Is there a different strategy? How do you make it better? Can you take steps to separate your worth from your goal? If I stay stagnant and lost in self-doubt and negativity then nothing good will come of it. It’s okay to take a moment, a step back, a breathe to be with the darkness. As long as you don’t start treating it like your baseline, your comfort zone, your truth. Because there is so much more to you than that. And often we don’t hear that enough. So keep doing you and keep noticing and keep moving and keep the flow of life inside you. And pick a path.. Even if the step is small at first.. There will be better days ahead.. Even if breathing is all you can do in this moment. Do that.. Breathe like you are sending love to the small voice inside saying it will be okay. This is just a moment in time and there is opportunity in the next moment.